My friends, let me introduce myself. My name is John. First of all, let me ask you something: Have you heard the news? This astounding piece of good fortune that has befallen me? If I was to tell you, you’d think I was crazy! Promise you won’t tell?

By the year 2000 management as we know it will not exist. There’s nothing we can do about it. I put my heart and soul into it and then got fired. I never saw any signs, but then again, maybe I wasn’t looking. It is not easy to visualize the future. The roof collapsed on top of me. Accusations of bribery. False imprisonment. In the end I completely lost it—I was screaming at them, my friends and loved ones. I did psychotherapy for years—I wanted to find myself.

Realization dawned suddenly. I developed an interest in law, the geometry of spiders’ webs, shrines to nature spirits, psychic powers. The simple truth? I know what I’m doing. I have publicity photographs on my person at all times. I wear this crystal under my costume for luck. If anyone wants out, there’s the door.

Think of being paid a salary to hunt big game! Career opportunities in our New York headquarters! The purchase price is paid in installments. I have it on good authority that there is a waiting list of up to five weeks. My name is Parsons, John Parsons, lord of the sea. Follow me, if you please.